Sorry about being so downhearted and putting a bummer on things, I am really fed up at the moment, I am finding it hard to write anything… the reason? My personal life, I am deeply unhappy at the moment with my worklife balance and also “Er Indoors” who I am just completely fed up with, she is so deeply controlling that I am sick of it. She isn’t a lifestyler, and tolerates my kink and what I do but when she’s drunk let’s me know that that what I do is just “shitty”. I could leave her and go back to my beloved hometown, on the plus side I’d get to live in Britain’s “Ocean City”, as they market it… the downer is it is so isolated that travelling everywhere is a real pain in the ass! I’d also have to find a new job which is next to impossible, especially “down there” in my hometown thanks to the global economic turndown which is still causing us all a massive amount of grief! I had thought that maybe I could get a transfer within the company that I work for to my hometown, after all I pay a mortgage on a property down there that I don’t even live in, which kinda sucks and I get no return off it really as my mother (God bless her) lives there rent free as I help her out in her old age … I suppose I’d have to go through the jokes of “living with mother” if I were to go back (that’s made me smile… heh heh) – it’s a long shot and could take time and isn’t guaranteed… and that’s why I put up with her shit that I am going through at the moment.
Anyway, to add to my misery this week, after a fantastic start to April, this past week’s sales at my site have nose dived and I don’t know why as the Clips Store the past few weeks has done quite well with the site appearing in the Top 3 under the tag “Spanking” but the membership site sales have been really woeful this week which is set to put me back behind budget and add to my worries and woes which i could do without as I had invested a lot of time and effort the past few months and committed to several filmshoots that I’d normally defer (I have just arranged and paid for some stuff in advance for the June filmshoot that I promise you all will be AWESOME…) in fact they all are nowadays and I have made some really good stuff these past few months which you’ll all gradually see this year 🙂
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It is hard out there, I know a few other producers made the same plea recently, and with the fight against piracy and all the other bullshit that goes on… it is hard! I make the films, not for a decent return, I do make something but it’s hardly anything to retire on as I re invest virtually every penny back into the site to keep it going currently! So with less income this past week, if that trends continues, then I won’t be able to continue producing new content… please do check out my reasonable rates, especially the longer term deals, they really are amongst the best in the biz for the amount of content I have produced and stored on there in a short space of time now!
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However, back to the present and my reality… I have to go away next week and am dreading it… not because of where I am going or who I am meeting (it’s her Grand kids and I love them to bits as they have both known me all their lives and they are such cool kids!) I feel a stomach churning wrentch, something I haven’t felt before as I would be upset to lose contact with her family… I just feel that SHE is starting to lose her mind, getting too controlling… she is also far older than me (I’m late 40’s by the way) and her mother has severe Alzheimers… and I see the early stages of more aggressive behaviour as I witnessed in her mother before it was too late to delay the onset (she’s now in a home, sadly)… or perhaps I just wind her up constantly as I am starting not to give a shit when she barks at me to do this or that…I’m hoping that I’m imagining that she has very early onset of this awful dementia… but I just don’t want to think I will have to deal with that, I’m too young for that crap and I’m a bastard for saying it, but I am past caring even though it’s an awful disease, one which wipes the person completely. Or perhaps she is just a fucking nag… I just switch off but occasionally get wound up with her fucking nagging. It affects me as I’m naturally dominant and hate being told what to do like this so we often argue and shout. I’m about to go have something to drink… I was going to post something, but I just thought you guys deserve to know my mindset at the moment, and it’s not good, is it?
Thankfully, I have a week away from her moaning and berating of me as she’s staying in France one more week as I’m only out there for a few days (I couldn’t or wouldn’t get time off work as I really feel we both need a break so this week will be a godsend!  Hopefully she will come back a better person too… You’ll see me post far more that week as I know I’ll be far happier… reading this I know I should leave her, there’s no one else (have you seen how ugly I am? lol!) but staying and putting up with her crap is the easy option (for now) however,I am aware that it is far from healthy.
Still, the week she is away, I get to see my nephew return from his latest naval tour of duty, I get to see  the new Star Trek film on May 9th, “YES!” lol. & I get to plan my next filmshoot (no names just yet in case I put the mockers on that FFS!) So forgive me if I air my grievances or problems and hand out my dirty personal depressing linen from time to time as it helps me, I even smiled as I wrote “YES!” about the Star Trek film as I am one of the biggest Trekkies out there… and I don’t care who knows! Yup, I’m currently a depressed, put upon dominant geek… heh heh!
Watch this space!
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& because you have come this far, no site news or promos of others today, sorry… but a nice image of a very spankable girl that cheers me up looking at her rear… can’t think why, can you? 😉
